Real love

Since it is getting close to Valentine's Day I thought I would write about love: past, present and future.

Past love:
Some of you that read this may know but I have been married before. I got married a month after my 21st birthday. I thought I knew what I was doing and that our love would last and we would be able to work through anything. He was military and I thought I knew exactly what I was signing up for when we got married, but I was so wrong. He was a great guy just not the great guy for me. We slowly grew apart as we did not even spend much time together after we were married due to his career. I was lost, alone, and very depressed. I did not get married thinking it would end in divorce but it did. I was so ashamed because I knew what it did to my family, I was mad at myself for letting my marriage fail and more. I just knew there was something missing but I could never really figure it out until recently...I loved my previous husband but I do not think that I was IN love with him. He will make a great husband for someone else. With all that said now on to my next topic...present love.

Present Love:
I am 100% absolutely, completely in love with Matt. I have never felt this way before and I love it. I was so scared to let myself love someone again because I did not think I deserved it because I let my first marriage fail. Every day though I fall more in love with Matt than I was before. I know now what it truly means to love someone and to not want to live without them. I was upset all the time during my first marriage and now I can see why. It was not right! He was a great guy, yes but just not my great guy. Today I can say that I have the most amazing husband in the world. He constantly reminds me how much he loves me, and he doesn't just do things on special occasions. He treats me like a queen and I couldn't ask for a better man in my life. I don't like the fact that I have been divorced but I know I would never have been this happy if I would have stayed. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Matt and grow together as husband and wife. The future is so bright for us and our love can only continue to grow!

I just got back from Tampa and came home to a clean house and beautiful flowers. He makes me feel so special and he continually tells me that my past does not matter. I am still coming to terms with being able to find a man that loves me for me and for my past even if he does not agree with it. I love you so much Matt and I thank you for loving me and being the most amazing husband I could ever ask for. Everyday is our day to show each other we love each other. I don't need Valentine's Day to do that! I love you so much.


My beautiful flowers that were waiting for me when I got home from Tampa. Thank you Matt, you are the best!

Muddy pup

I think Scout found every mud puddle on our land this weekend. Still
love him, just not half his body covered in mud!!

February Already???

I just realized I have not posted anything in 2010!! Where has the time gone? The Schafer house has been busy getting back in to the swing of things after Christmas, so here is a little update.

Christmas 2009

Matt's parents and brother come down for almost a week over Christmas and we had a blast! Nick is living in Utah currently so we do not get to see him very often, and his parents are of course still in Kansas. The three of them were hoping for warm weather since they haven't seen the 50's in months! Luckily for them there were a few nice days. One day the boys went golfing but it was still a little too cold for me so Kerry and I went shopping in stead. That was a lot of fun but cut short because Kerry got sick. The next day was still fairly nice so we decided to go to Alpine Shooting range and shoot the sporting clays course. Kerry stayed back because she still wasn't feeling good. I had the best time! I have never shot a gun before much less every done sporting clays but it was so much fun. I got 26 out 100, which I think is good for my first time!

Me shooting! So fun.

New Years 2010
We went to Fort Worth with Eric and Lindsey and then met up with some more friends. It was a blast. The group of friends that we hang out with down here are so much fun. Matt and I were taking during the night because the 4 of us were the only ones not single in our group and I asked if he missed it, of course he said no and we talked about the way the guys acted and how he did not miss that or would ever give up what we have to be single again. That made me happy. I was also happy that I was not single and do not miss they days of drunk guys coming around trying to do whatever they are trying to do. It was funny to watch though.

January
We had a hard couple weeks in January. We had to go back to Kansas for a funeral. Matt's grandfather (his Mom's dad) passed away a few weeks ago and it was very hard on everyone. He is in a much better place, breathing on his own and sitting out by a lake fishing. I had a really hard time during all this because I had not been back to KS to see family since July. I had a lot of guilt in my heart for that and made it a point to make sure I see them more often.

Other than that we have been spending time with friends up here in Fort Worth. One night we went to Joe T Garcia's to eat with 4 other couples and had a blast. We went with Natalie and Travis Riley, Lindsey and Eric, Sarah and Trey and Jenn and Kurt Harwell and their little boy Russel. It was so fun to see Kurt and meet his wife. I have not seen him since high school, and to see him as a dad was amazing. It is crazy to think about all of us from high school growing up, getting married and becoming parents. It is a great time in all of our lives.

Lindsey, Me, Natalie, and Sarah at Joe T's. Jenn had already left.

I will be better at keeping up with this in the new year! Hope everyone is doing great.

Christmas Party & Golfing...In December??

We went to Matt's company Christmas part on Dec. 12. We had such a great time there and then took the party out to Fort Worth. It was so much fun hanging out with people we had not seen in a while and also hanging out with some new friends.


We also had the pleasure of going golfing that Sunday with Matt's mom who was in town from Kansas. Of course for her the 60 degree weather was tropical. She left Kansas and it was -13 I think and had just snowed for a couple days. Needless to say it was hard for her to leave on Monday. It was a great weekend with her.


I am so ready for Christmas! Tomorrow is the last day I have to work until Jan. 4 and I could not be happier. Today the coach that I work for gave me a present and I almost cried. Working for him has it's ups and downs, but I am sure every job does. I have worked with the team for over a year now and this is the first time he has every done anything to show me he appreciated me. So needless to say I was very shocked but also very touch also. I enjoy my job very much and I don't need a lot of reassurance that I am doing a good job but sometimes the little things do help.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!! I plan on doing Christmas cards next year, we will see if that happens!

Is it really December already...

I have not been on in so long, things have just been so busy. Matt and I have moved again! But we are so happy in the new place. The house we were in before was more than we needed, so we are now in a cute little farm house. The landlord lives to the north of us and he and his wife are great. The houses share about 20 acres and Scout and Tiffany are loving roaming around. There is also about 8 horses on the farm that we will get to ride come spring time and I could not be more excited about it.
Thanksgiving was crazy. The family and I (minus Matt) were in College Station for the big game (as Emma calls it). We tailgated before the game with some great friends, and we all decided to make it a regular thing. So next football season we will get together for each game and tailgate. It is going to be so much fun. The game did not turn out the way we had hoped, but my Aggies sure did play a hell of a game. They fought until the end but came up short. I am not at all disappointed in their season, although I do look forward to next and hope for more wins.

Other than the aforementioned moving Matt and I have not been up to much. We are getting in the Christmas spirit thought! He has put lights up on the house and I have put up the tree. We are looking forward to the weekend because Matt's mom will be in town for the first time in about 6 months.

Today I am thankful to be an Aggie...

I still remember it like it was yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night with knots in my stomach and I had no idea why. I figured it was nothing so I went back to sleep. My alarm went off that morning and I woke up to the most devastating news, Aggie Bonfire had collapsed and at least 8 were dead and others were still on the stack. I couldn't breathe, I just thought it had to be wrong and I was in a nightmare, but it happened. When the dust settled, we had lost 12 amazing Aggies. I had thought about going to A&M but it wasn't my dream school at the time, little did I know God had a different plan in mind. I thought I was for sure going to that other school in Austin with friends from high school. But on this day everything changed. My family and I met my sister down in College Station for the memorial service being held the night Bonfire was supposed to burn. I didn't really want to go, because deep down in my heart I knew what was about to happen. We stepped on that field and my life changed forever. I had someone come and light the candle I was holding and it ignited my fire for A&M. My heart had never been so heavy in all my life, as it was that night. I felt like I knew each of those 12 Aggies that had died on the stack that day. I felt a part of this Aggie family and that I had just lost 12 brothers and sisters. It didn't take 5 mins after my candle had been lit that I turned to my mom, with tears streaming down my face not being able to say a word and all she said was "I know." She knew at that moment I was going to be an Aggie, she felt it, my sister felt it, and my dad felt it. We got home after that night and I researched how to graduate from high school early so that I could begin my journey as a Aggie. Texas A&M University means the world to me. I know even if this tragedy had never happened I would have ended up there because my heart and soul was always an Aggie, and nothing could have changed that. There is so much more I could say about this special university, but today I am going to just be thankful that I can call myself an Aggie, and that I will forever be a part of this Aggie Family. "There is a spirit can ne'er be told, it's the Spirit of Aggieland."

To the 12 that were lost-you will always be in my heart. Your spirit will live on.

Today I am thankful for...

My family and my friends. I did not get on this weekend so this will be a 2 part post.

First I am very thankful for my family. They have put up with me for 27 years and it has not always been easy. My sister and I have had an up and down relationship but what siblings don't. She really did not like me at all when my mom brought me home from the hospital, she even tried to sell me at a garage sale! Today we are the best of friends. We have gone through many things together and she has forgiven me so many times I can't even count high enough. I have a close relationship with my brother now. It was hard to not have him around very much growing up, but he is making up for that now. He has such a sweet spirit about him, and is so loving and forgiving of everyone. I love hanging out with him because he is always making me laugh. My other sister is such a strong woman. She is a great mother to her 3 children, and even though I am sure it is tiresome she still finds the energy. My mom and I are a lot closer than we have ever been, and I am very thankful for that. I have started to see that our relationship is ok, even if it is not like her's and Lea's. I am not Lea, and I am different and that is what makes our relationship special. I could not ask for a better dad. He always had my back no matter what. I have taken him for granted many times, yet he is still always there. He means more to me than I could ever show him. I am so thankful for him and his unconditional love he shows me. I have done some very hurtful things to my family and for that I am sorry. I turned my back on them thinking I didn't need them, when in all honesty I needed them more than ever. When I finally came out of my funk, they took me back with open arms. It has been a long journey back but they are my family and I love them dearly.


My friends, what can I say about them. I have some of the greatest friends in the world. I can't even begin to name each of you that have had an impact on my life. Just know that I thank God for each of you everyday. I have friends that I can go months without speaking to, but the moment we are on the phone it is like nothing changed. When I am hurting they are there, when I have a joy to share, they are there, when times get tough, they pick me up. So many great things to share about each of you, I just don't have the time. I may not speak to you every day or every week, but know that I think of each of you daily, and I am so thankful that you are in my life.