Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Just Ranting...I think

Have you ever felt like you could not enjoy something that was going on in your life for fear of hurting someone else's feelings?  If not you are lucky because that is how I have felt the last few weeks.

I have a couple friends who are going through infertility and I know all about what they are going through and more.  Ever since I found out I was pregnant I have felt like I can't be joyful around them because it will hurt their feelings.  At first one of them was great and seemed very happy for us but lately it has been the opposite.  When I am around if the conversation turns to me and anything about the baby she will get quiet and usually leave.  It breaks my heart because I know exactly what she is going through.  Another friend has been completely MIA since I told her I was pregnant.  It hurts and maybe (hopefully) I am just reading too much into it.

I understand their pain and what they are going through and their disappointment each month.  I wish they could share in my joy but at the same time I guess I can understand when they can't.  I spent 3 years almost going through heartbreak month after month and now I am walking on eggshells.  I don't bring up the baby around my friend because I don't want to hurt her but shouldn't I have the right to be happy?  I wish I didn't care so much but I do know her pain.

I pray every night for her that she will get to experience this joy but I also know that God has a plan for everything.  I hope and pray for friends that are going through this journey that some day they will see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It has been a very long journey for me and it's not over.