1. Negative Self Image
- I am one of my own worst enemies. I am not good enough, pretty enough, strong enough, skinny enough...etc. This is a struggle I have had for many years and it needs to stop. I need to stop thinking about changing my body and instead changing my heart. It is not what is on the outside that will be what Hunter remembers when I am gone it is what is on the inside. To him I am the most beautiful person he knows and it should stay that way but it won't if he continuously hears me says negative things about myself.
- On the other side of things if he hears me says I am not skinny enough or strong enough, etc he will start to compare himself in the mirror also. This is just not a problem for girls, boys have body images also. I want him to know that he perfect the way he is.
2. Respect for Matt
- I am not always the best wife that Matt deserves and that is on me. I don't take compliments (see #1) and when Matt says nice things about me I shrug them off. This is sending a message to Hunter that women don't want to hear nice things and stuff like that does not matter. If I listen and am more thankful for those compliments it will teach Hunter that a nice word can go a long way.
- I am quick to anger with Matt and as Hunter grows up this is something he will see. He should not believe that that is what marriage is about. He should know it's about friendship, respect, love, laughter and more. I need and want him to see me respect his dad so that in turn he will also.
3. Negative talk
- This is something I have struggled with also. I tend to see the negative things in life such as not having enough money, not having the best clothes, or shoes, or being able to take this trip or that trip when in reality those are just things. I have a roof over my head, clothes to keep me warm, food on the table and more. It is important that I see everyday the blessings that I have and that I teach Hunter what is more important in life than things.
There are some other things I know I need to work on but these 3 really come to mind the most. I want to be a mom that my son can look at and say "She is great. She taught me to see the joy in everything, to live life to the fullest, and to respect men and women both." I don't want him to look back on his childhood and only see and hear negativity in our home. It is time for a change, and it's not with my body it's with my heart. It is going to be a hard journey but in the end Hunter is worth it.