Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Engagement Photos

Here are a few engagement photos. They were taken by Matt's cousin. She is not our photographer but she did a great job. We had fun getting the done. I will not put up too many, don't want to overwhelm anyone :)

I promise my eyes are open. I need to figure out how to wear my make-up where it doesn't look like my eyes are closed!
This is one of my favorite pictures. I love the way it looks in front of the Schafer stone.

Had to get the teams in the pictures! not my favorite of me but oh well.

Love this one also. Almost covered up his Wildcat on the front of his shirt with my Aggie ring hand :) I got in trouble for that one.

But we had fun and got some great pics out of it. We had a busy but fun weekend. I love the holidays but I am ready for them to be over, so that the traveling is over :)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Well sometimes it seems like nothing can go right. It is Christmas time and I am trying to get into the spirit but I just can't. Student loans, credit cards and the rest of my bills are getting me down. I can't find the money for presents for my family and they say its ok but it still kills me knowing I can't give them anything. Starting a new job has been wonderful and I will soon be able to get back up on my feet, but the black hole I have been in is going to be a hard climb up. So needless to say without being able to get presents for family, pay bills, and put food on the table, I am a little down. So then I start to think about all that I don't have and then feel worse knowing that there are others out there with far less. What do I have to complain about? I have a job, I have some food, I have clothes, I have a family that loves me. I feel so selfish. I should just be happy with what I have and not complain about the small things.

I am in a very dark place and scared that I won't make it out any time soon. I want to be able to be happy, to be joyful, be thankful for what I have but all I ever seem to be is sad, jealous, upset or mad. I want to focus my life on the good things, not the bad. I want to live each day with joy, hope, love and more. I am struggling in my heart and I just don't know what to do about it. I feel so lost.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Wedding Dress...

I am so excited to say that I have a wedding dress! I tried on several last month and thought that I had found the one, but that was when we thought we were going to do a destination wedding. Since moving the wedding to KS and not Mexico I went and tried on dresses again and found the perfect dress! I am so excited about it, and feel great about finding it.

This weekend my sister and I are going to look at flower girl dress for Emma. I can't wait, I know she is going to look so cute! My sister will also be trying on bridesmaid dress. I can't wait to have these few things out of the way so that Matt and I can focus on catering, cake, and decorations. It seems like everything is falling into place.

Matt will finally be here in less than 2 weeks and I can not wait. It will be so great to be in the same state, same city, same place more than just on the weekends. We are going to be able to start our life together and I look forward to it more than anything right now. I hate being away from him, I hate fighting with him on the phone because we are both so frusturated about the distance. It is going to be so much better when he is finally here. I know marriage is not easy and that everyday is a new day but I can not wait to be his wife and take those one day at a time days with him.

Monday, December 1, 2008

So tired...

I got home about 1am this morning after fighting snow in KS for about an hour on my drive home. I like the snow but I hate driving in it, especially not knowing how my car is going to handle in it. But I made it home, safe and sound, but today I am very tired. Work is pretty slow so that is not helping at all.

This past week was great! I spent Thanksgiving with Matt's family and enjoyed ever minute of it. I had a little difficulty Thanksgiving morning after some news that I heard, but was able to still have a good day. I was able to talk with Kerry (Matt's mom) about what I found out and she made me feel better. It is good to have a mother-in-law I can talk to, when my mom is far away. But as most Thanksgivings go, I ate to much and now I need to diet!

So I am having a little issue I am trying to not let bother me, but I think it is. My soon to be father-in-law, who I adore, tends to butt into mine and Matt's conversations with something that is completely off the subject and only incluldes Matt. When I go to KS to visit Matt, sometimes I get very frusturated that all he seems to do is talk to his dad. I know that there is an unbreakable bond with him, but seriously I am only up there for a few days, and he sees him everyday! Why should I feel like I have to compete with his dad. I don't want this to be an issue, but I feel like it will. I know that when Matt is finally here in TX and we go for a visit together, he and his dad will need to have catching up time, but do I get left alone and in the dark? It also happens with his good friend. It is like I am not even there. I know that he is making a sacrfice to move away from his family and friends to move down with me, and he wants to spend as much time as possible with them before he moves, but I am getting hurt in the process while I am visiting him. And before anyone says anything, I have talked to him about it, and it seems like it is more his dad and friend doing it than he is, but he never says anything to them about it. I guess it is just something I am going to have to deal with. It is one small thing, on the large scale of life.

More weddings details to come soon....