Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Lost

Well sometimes it seems like nothing can go right. It is Christmas time and I am trying to get into the spirit but I just can't. Student loans, credit cards and the rest of my bills are getting me down. I can't find the money for presents for my family and they say its ok but it still kills me knowing I can't give them anything. Starting a new job has been wonderful and I will soon be able to get back up on my feet, but the black hole I have been in is going to be a hard climb up. So needless to say without being able to get presents for family, pay bills, and put food on the table, I am a little down. So then I start to think about all that I don't have and then feel worse knowing that there are others out there with far less. What do I have to complain about? I have a job, I have some food, I have clothes, I have a family that loves me. I feel so selfish. I should just be happy with what I have and not complain about the small things.

I am in a very dark place and scared that I won't make it out any time soon. I want to be able to be happy, to be joyful, be thankful for what I have but all I ever seem to be is sad, jealous, upset or mad. I want to focus my life on the good things, not the bad. I want to live each day with joy, hope, love and more. I am struggling in my heart and I just don't know what to do about it. I feel so lost.

4 comments:

Brandon and Kensie said...

Rachel, hang in there! I've been there before and some of my best lessons were learned when I was at that lean place in my life! Holidays can be stressful enough, but then on top of it, you're planning a wedding!! How well I remember!! It all starts to add up and it can be scary.....just remember.....all of this stress will soon be over!! Don't let the small things keep you from enjoying all the good you have in your life!!

Jill said...

I am so glad you found my blog! Do you mind if I add yours to my list so I can follow yours? Also, send me your e-mail address. If you don't want to leave it on my blog then e-mail me.
the3bryants@gmail.com

Alisha said...

Rach, I've learned that when I start feeling that way it is because I am trying to solve the problem...which I can't. Just give it all over to the Lord and trust in Him that things will work out. I realize that is easier said than done, but I have found it is the only way "out." I love you and am so excited to see you next week! Hopefully chatting and drinking some wine will take your mind off things, at least for a short while.

pmcdill said...

Hey Rachel, great to hear from you. My faith probably isn't near as big as it may sound. I have found that faith is a lot like courage... it's just as good to pretend you have faith. I am praying for you in that.....let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

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