Well sometimes it seems like nothing can go right. It is Christmas time and I am trying to get into the spirit but I just can't. Student loans, credit cards and the rest of my bills are getting me down. I can't find the money for presents for my family and they say its ok but it still kills me knowing I can't give them anything. Starting a new job has been wonderful and I will soon be able to get back up on my feet, but the black hole I have been in is going to be a hard climb up. So needless to say without being able to get presents for family, pay bills, and put food on the table, I am a little down. So then I start to think about all that I don't have and then feel worse knowing that there are others out there with far less. What do I have to complain about? I have a job, I have some food, I have clothes, I have a family that loves me. I feel so selfish. I should just be happy with what I have and not complain about the small things.
I am in a very dark place and scared that I won't make it out any time soon. I want to be able to be happy, to be joyful, be thankful for what I have but all I ever seem to be is sad, jealous, upset or mad. I want to focus my life on the good things, not the bad. I want to live each day with joy, hope, love and more. I am struggling in my heart and I just don't know what to do about it. I feel so lost.