Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Reflections of a Long Journey

*This is long, just an FYI

With a few short days to go until we meet Hunter, I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on this journey Matt and I have been on.  When I think back, I never really thought about how I would feel now about becoming a mom.  The thought was always there but never a concrete emotion since it was "not real" yet.

Looking back to when this all began back in 2010 I did not think it would be 3 years later that I would finally be at this point.  I don't think anyone does.  You hear it all the time how easy it is to get pregnant so why would it not be that way for us right?  Well, we were wrong.  We tried, we tried, and we tried some more with no success.  Just stop thinking about it and it will happen, take some time off and it will happen, plan something big and it will happen was all we heard.  How do you stop thinking about it?? We stopped "trying" so to speak by not calculating days but really still knowing when the best time to do the deed would be.  I schedule a half marathon, something big, and it didn't happen.  I actually ran 2 as a matter of fact and still nothing.  The only thing that happened when I scheduled the marathons was that I got hurt, not pregnant!  Just my luck.
Just getting the bump.  Pretty sure this was 20 something weeks!

After being unsuccessful for a year we talked with my doctor.  She did blood work, and come to find out I have some infertility issues.  Well I could have probably figured that out, but at least we had a small answer to our struggles.  So she puts me on medicine.  A few months in, we are pregnant!  Wow, the medicine really worked!  We were so happy that we didn't have to struggle any longer and that in 9 short months we would have our little bundle of joy...not so fast.
Thanksgiving 2012-17 weeks

Only 9 weeks in, we lost the baby.  Looking back it still hurts.  My heart still breaks when I think about it.  When we were putting Hunter's nursery together we put up a cross that a friend of ours sent to us with the date of our loss on it and I sat in the floor and cried.  I held that cross like it was my little baby and I thanked it for being an angel that will now watch over Hunter.  It was bittersweet putting up that cross but it might be my favorite part of the nursery.  Going through a loss is tough and I would not wish that on my worst enemy but what Matt and I learned about each other through that time was priceless.  I saw things in my husband that I have never seen before and it made our love so much stronger.  Is it something I would want to go through again...HELL NO, but did we learn from it, yes and that is what is important.

New Years 2013- 22 weeks
After the loss the doctor said it shouldn't be hard to get pregnant again since your hormones are now working properly.  Well again, not the case for me.  We started on medicine again.  Let me tell you a little about's not so wonderful!  It made me VERY hormonal...obviously because I was not used to have that amount of hormones in my system but I never thought it would be that bad.  There were days when looking back I am shocked that Matt stuck around.  Wow!  He is a great man that is for sure.

We were back on Clomid for about 5 months before tried the IUI.  We cut a lot out of our budget to afford this because it was worth it to us.  3 attempts later we were pregnant!  I was so excited and Matt was still a little weary.  He wanted to be excited but a part of him was still thinking...could we lose this one too?  I had those same thoughts as well but tried REALLY hard not to show it.  When we saw our little one for the first time I have never felt so relieved.  Still it was hard to get excited as we just never know what could happen.

Now, we are just 10 days or less from meeting our little guy.  The journey has been long (and yes I know it could have been longer and for some it is) but in the end when I hold Hunter for the first time it will all be worth it.  There will be days when I still think of the loss we had and the struggle we had to get where we are now, but those days won't hurt as much.  Here we are, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I can't wait for this new chapter to start.

Friday, April 12, 2013

4 years!

I can't believe it has been 4 years (yesterday) since I married my best friend.  It does not seem that long at all.  So what was year 4 like?

Here our some highlights-

  • Matt supported me through training for 2 half-marathons
  • We celebrated the birth of one of our friends little girl
  • Celebrated the marriage of 2 of our dear friends
  • Celebrated the engagement of 2 of our dear friends
  • Spent time out on the lake with our little group
  • Took a trip to Galena, IL to celebrate a 60th birthday
  • Added a little terror feline that we love to death, Hank
  • Went through multiple fertility treatments
  • Found out we were going to be PARENTS!
  • Watched both Kansas State and Texas A&M Football teams have a VERY successful year
  • Revealed we would be having a little BOY
  • Celebrated the birth of my beautiful niece Chloe
  • And last but not least we spent time together talking about our future with Hunter and reflecting on the past year.  We worked together on his nursery and just preparing for the big day

Year 4 was especially great and year 5 already looks like it is shaping up to be an amazing one as well!  Can't wait for all the fun things we having coming up this year.  Want to see a glimpse of year 5 already...

  • Hunter will make his appearance
  • Karalie and Kari's bachelorette parties :)
  • Gantz wedding
  • Bigham wedding
  • Wade baby
  • Richards baby
  • Football Season
  • Justin Moore Concert
  • Blake Shelton concert
  • Trip to see George Strait (hopefully!)
Wow, it will be busy and that is just through October!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Gestational Diabetes and me

I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD) at 28 weeks. It has been almost 8 weeks since then. When I first found out I was a little upset as I thought I did something wrong but turns out there was not really much I could do about it as my hormones are pretty much out of whack!

I started getting on the GD board on babycenter to see what others were saying. Bad idea! All those ladies do is complain about GD and how annoyed they are about it and how depressed the diagnosis was. Ok come on it is not bad, or I am just an optimist :-)

Yes, I have to watch what I eat. Yes,I have to prick my fingers 4 times a day. Yes,I have to give myself insulin at night. No,it isn't the end of the world. Can I give into my cravings no, but that's not a bad thing. This has made me more consciences of what I am eating so truthfully it has helped me.

It's hard to read what some of these women are saying without responding to tell them to get over it. I am trying to refrain myself from going off but some of them need to realize that having GD is nothing to complain about. It can be a pain yes, but in the long run its a tiny piece of the pie.

I love Hunter and would put up with anything to have him. He is our little blessing no matter what! Oh it's helped me not gain too much more weight :-)

My accessories :-)

My little man at 34 weeks!

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