Hi God, it's me....Again

Heavenly Father, I know we haven't spoken in a few weeks and for that I am sorry.  I know that I should not come to you only when I need you but it seems like that is the habit I have gotten into.  I want to come to you daily, for my joys, for my heart break, for nothing at all.  I know I should I just don't.  But I come to you now on my knees asking for you to help me.  I need patience, understanding, compassion, and hope.

I need patience that your timing is in all this and that when you are ready for me to have a baby it will happen.  I need patience to understand that it is not all about my wants but about your desires for me.  I need patience to understand that people ask because they care not because they want me to hurt more thinking about it.  And I need patience with Matt that I stop taking my emotions out on him and that I can be patient with his desires as well.

I need understanding about why.  Why can't I get pregnant, why can't it be me?  Why is it me that is struggling.  Did I do something wrong?  Have I not been good enough to deserve a baby?  Help me to understand your desires for me and my family.

I need compassion for Matt.  I need to learn to not take this out on him and realize he has done nothing wrong.  I probably need compassion for myself so that I will stop being so hard on myself but I truly feel this is all my fault for the actions I have done in the past.  I need compassion or really a desire to be joyful for others that are pregnant or having babies.

And Lord, I need hope.  Hope that I am meant to have a baby, or hope that you have other plans for us.  I am lost right now and I really need you.  I know that I should be in conversation with you all the time not just when I need something and I am trying...I just need you.