I feel like I have used this cliche so often lately that I have begun to realize that I tend to not finish a lot of the things that I start. Some of that is out of my control but others truly is me becoming lazy.
I started over with my running because I got lazy. I stopped going to the gym or I stopped lacing up my shoes, why? Who knows but mainly I was lazy.
I stopped reading the Bible and stopped praying. Why? Because God had given me everything I have asked for and I don't need him anymore??? UMM NO! I need Him everyday, I just got lazy. I don't have the firm foundation I need/want to stand on, but that is not because He has not tried it is because I have not tried.
We are starting over in starting a family. Now this is not my fault but again it is starting over and I have learned from it. I have learned that through all of it, Matt and I still need to focus on our marriage and what is best for us. We need to still show each other that the other is the most important in our lives and not get caught up in every thing else. During this time I got lazy in showing Matt how much he means to me and how much I love him. Again, I got lazy.
Those are just a few examples of things I am having to start over within the last few weeks. It helps me to be able to look back and reflect on what I wasn't doing so that I can move forward.
Slowly I am getting my endurance back and I am not being hard on myself that I can't run 6 miles right now much less 3, but we all have to start somewhere. Today I did NOT want to go to the gym but I did and now I feel much better. It is baby steps and I have to keep focused.
I have an app on my phone that I look at every day that has a passage or two from the Bible and a little blurb about it. I know that it is not much but for me it is a start. I do want to dive in further and strengthen my foundation and trust in God but I have to start small or I will get overwhelmed. One day at a time. Praying is a little harder because when I remember to do it I feel bad that I did not do it first thing in the morning or right before bed. I feel like God is going to see this as an after thought and then I put it off again. I HAVE to get better at praying and talking to Him because that is so important and I NEED it. (side note-any advice from fellow friends would be great)
And starting a family and loving Matt is an everyday thing and I know the things I need to do to get there. Obviously details on the family part are not going to be shared but showing Matt that he is important and that my whole focus is not just to have a baby but to make a life and family with him. I got so caught up in getting pregnant that I never stepped back to remember the other person in the equation.
So this is where I stand, starting over one day at a time. Running is still hard, God is still a mystery to me that I can't wait to uncover, and I still miss that little one but each day is a new day.