3 weeks in...

And I feel great! I am back to running...or not really running a lot but I am at least able to run for more than a minute at a time now :)

Week 3 of the couch to 5K has me running longer and it feels so good. I love how a good run can make life so much better. I had a pretty hard day yesterday but went out for a nice jog/walk last night and it really put me in a much better mood.

I am thankful that I am back to doing something that I love and I am enjoying every step. Matt has started to run with me also and it is a nice time for the 2 of us to talk about our day and things we need to get done. I seem to really let loose when I am running so I tend to talk about anything. I guess it is kinda like alcohol for some people but a much healthier alternative...haha

And I got some new running shoes...why you might ask? Because a mind can do tell you some crazy things! I got hurt a few weeks (like about 2) after I bought a new pair of shoes, and they were a new brand, which I knew I should have just stuck with what I know. But that's beside the point. Anyway, I associated the injury with the new shoes, which I know seems stupid but I did, so I had to get new shoes. They have worked out great and I am loving them! Will not change brands again!

Aren't they pretty!

Starting back at Square 1

So I am starting back at square one on the running. I was released from the doctor last friday with very specific instructions to GO SLOW! Because he didn't want to see me anymore. Kinda a mean thing to say but I know what he meant. The problem here is that I want to go further because I know I can but Matt came to the doctor with me and he is being VERY strict! I know it's a good thing to start slow because as much as I like Dr. Chase I really don't want to see him again either.

So I am back to square one and on the Couch to 5K program again. It has been good because I am taking Scout with me and he needs to lose weight and so he keeps me from go further because he really can't. I am excited to get back on the road and really enjoy running again.

I started week 1 day one last night and it felt GREAT! I have no pain in my legs while running or after so that is good. I was not tired and did not feel exhausted after the run so I know that I still have it in me to keep it up.

I will keep everyone posted on the progress!

Let's Be Real!

So I have been thinking a lot lately and feel like I need to be REAL with myself. It will be help me grow and to help me move on...at least I hope so.

Matt and I have been working on our relationship with Christ and it has been a struggle at times but also a real blessing. There have been things that have been revealed to me that I knew were there but kept putting further down in my heart because I know it's not good. This blog is for me to just put it out on the line and be vulnerable with myself and with Christ.

Jealousy
Ugh what a horrible emotion. I have a lot of it and it has been creeping up SO much lately.

I am jealous when my friends tell me they are pregnant because I WANT that for myself. I have not stopped to think if God wants that for me right now, just that it is MY want. Needless to say I have opened my eyes to this and have found JOY for my friends that are starting this new journey in their life.

I am jealous of people that "seem" to have SO MUCH! They go on trips all the time to different places, they buy huge houses, the get brand new cars, and seem to not worry one bit about money. I don't stop to look around at all that I HAVE. I have a wonderful life, and have been truly blessed and I need to remember this more and thank God daily for the precious life he has given me.

Hurt
I know this can be a healthy emotion but not the way I have been having it lately. I get hurt so easily when someone does not thank Matt or I for all the effort we have put into something but they thank others that really don't have anything to do with it.

I hurt when Matt and I see things that are wrong but get told we need to give it a chance and WE need to change when WE are not the ones doing anything. I get hurt when Matt tells me he feels like he has lost his brother because their relationship WILL never be the same because there is such a rift with them and things have CHANGED so much. It hurts me and I take that out on ones around us because they think it is Matt's problem and that he needs to grow up. I have and will continue to pray for my feelings towards this because I know that it won't change over night.

I hurt when I don't think my friends value our friendship and toss it away like old trash. I get hurt when I plan something and people don't come. I think it means they don't like me or want to hang out with me. Maybe if I was a happier person, maybe if I was cooler people would like me. Seriously what kind of emotion is that!

I guess my hurt ends up being resentment and that is the bad emotion. I don't like where things are going right now, but I don't know how to change them. I have tried to give it a chance and have tried to give the benefit of the doubt but I can't be the only one giving while everyone else is taking. Or can I? Can God give me the strength to keep putting on a smile and telling people that I think its great when deep down I am hurting.

Anger
I get angry at God when things don't go my way. How SELFISH! I am not on this earth for me but for Him. I am trying but I have to be real with myself and with others. My hurt turns into anger and I take it out on everyone around me.

I am sure that if anyone reads this it might make people mad but I have to put it out there for me. I need to be real and if I hurt people feelings I am sorry but I can't hide anymore. I need God, I need His help, but He can't help me unless I am honest with myself. I had to put it down on paper to start moving forward. I pray everyday that God will heal my hurts, that he will soften my heart, to change my emotions to be a benefit to others not a burden. I pray that I will see the best in people and not the worst, and I pray that I can help Matt close the gap that has formed between him and his brother.

I have put it out there for the world to see...

Happy 25th Birthday!

My hubby turns 25 today! And yes you are seeing that number right he is younger than me :) haha! Anyways, he has been a true blessing in my life and I can't think of anyway better to honor him that to write 25 things I love most about him. Obviously there is a lot more than 25 things but I am going with his age :)

1. He provides for me.

2. He is a giver.

3. He makes me laugh daily.

4. He is pretty handsome.

5. He is growing stronger in Christ with me.

6. He loves me even when I am at my worst.

7. He loves to take me fishing even though I always catch and release!

8. He is an AMAZING cook.

9. He helps do laundry and clean the house.

10. He loves our animals so much.

11. He is so excited to be a dad. That does not mean that one is on the way yet, but he lights up every time we talk about it.

12. He laughs at my jokes even the REALLY cheesy ones.

13. He wears maroon and supports my passion for Texas A&M.

14. He is a very hard worker, and has one of the strongest work ethics I know.

15. He is so positive and has a wonderful outlook on life.

16. He supports me over anyone else.

17. He is my rock and has always been there for me.

18. He has an amazing heart.

19. He puts me first.

20. He calls me beautiful.

21. He does things just because.

22. He challenges me to be a better person.

23. He sees the good in people.

24. He knows just what to say to make me feel better. I think sometimes he knows me better than I know myself.

25. He is ALWAYS there for his friends and family even when they have turned their back on him or have said or done hurtful things. He never holds a grudge and is always there.

I love you Matthew Wayne Schafer! I could not i

magine my life without you. 25 years ago God knew what he was doing when you were born. He created you and molded you into the wonderful man that you are today and I so very thankful for that. I look forward to many more birthdays with you and growing closer each and every one of them.