Well it was a long weekend, and one that no one wants to have. We drove back up to Kansas to be with family during this loss. Roland was such a great man and is going to be missed. I was not able to make my great-uncle's funeral because it was in Florida. Both men will be truly missed.
One thing that kept us going this weekend was spending time with family. Matt's has a cousin named Olivia that would put a smile on anyone's face. His Unlce Cal and Aunt Linda adopted her from China about 4 or 5 years ago. She is full of life and always bringing a smile to anyone that is sad. She kept Grandma smiling through this loss.
Being with Matt's family so much has been hard on me because I have not been able to spend much time with mine. I live closer to them now, but seem them less than I did before. It is very hard to understand why this is the case. I get so frusturated and upset that I don't see my family very often, hopefully now that the wedding is over I will be able to see them more.
Our relationship needs to be rebulit and that can't be done if I am always gone. Growing up is hard, but I see others who are so close to their families and it hurts. I wonder why I am so different. Why I didn't stay as close, or why I am not as close. So many thoughts running through my head. It just hurts!