Set back...set back...set back

*If you don't want to hear about my horrible running lately you might want to skip this post. I am logging all my feelings because I am hoping that at some point I will be able to look at what all I had to overcome to achieve my goals, including the very depressing times...which is where I am right now.*

This is all that is running through my head and it stinks! Every time I get excited about something I have done...like 6 miles then something else just hits me like a tons of bricks to bring me back down. I can't wait to have happy post! I am sorry for being such a downer lately but my knee trouble is really making things hard for me.

Saturday I went out excited to get another 6 under my belt and it was AWFUL! About 1/2mile in my legs would barely leave the ground and I thought I was just scooting along the road. I didn't think 6 would ever come or if I was even going to make it. Pretty sure about mile 3 I was near tears because I was so frustrated! Oh well, I finished and that is what matters.

Not 30 mins after thought I felt like I couldn't walk. My knee hurt so bad that I could barely put any weight on my foot without cringing in pain. I took alleve, iced it and everything and the pain was excruciating. I just laid in bed the rest of the night. Sunday morning I woke up and tried to walk and couldn't. My knee was not swollen or bruised so I just figured it was tight and would loosen up, it never did and when my husband had to help me up the stairs he said that was it and took me to the ER. I was certain I had torn something, but in the end it looks like nothing. The NP told me that this is common in female runners and there isn't much that can be done besides, rest, ice, pain reliever and some PT. I just can't seem to get the motivation now to keep going, I feel like this isn't for me and I should have NEVER set these types of goals. Who am I kidding, me really running 13.1 miles! Ha it seems like such a joke now when I can barely walk without pain, much less even think about training. Ugh I hate this!

Oh the joy

of running! I totally love it, I just don't like the pain that follows some times. So I have been having some knee pain lately and kept putting of going to the doctor for a couple reason, 1)I am stubborn like my dad and think it will just go away, 2) I didn't want to doctor to tell me to stop running because that would have made me SUPER upset and I probably would have cried, 3)I thought I was a tough girl and could deal with it. Well I caved and went to an Orthopedic yesterday, and made a fool of myself by telling him he was my new best friend because....HE TOLD ME I COULD STILL RUN!!!! I was so excited I wanted to jump off the table and give him a big hug, but I didn't. He would have been totally funny if I did though. HAHA

And my friend Suzy was so awesome because she was waiting for me when I got to the doc that morning to make sure I was ok. Having such great running buddies is totally AWESOME! Thank you Suzy!

So anyway, I don't have major problems in my knee just some inflammation or something like that. He didn't do an MRI just an X-ray because he didn't feel like I needed it yet but if it gets worse we will have to do that. He told me that I have plenty of space between my joints around my knee cap except for 1 area but the tissues was healthy so he didn't want to mess with it right now. That was great news! So now I just have to do some PT to strengthen my muscles...umm what I am not that strong??? Whoa what a blow to the ego :) and then ice after every run and take alleve everyday until the pain goes away. I am one happy runner knowing that I can still go out and do crazy things like run 13.1 miles in a few weeks!

Sometimes I just want to give up....

May 1 seems so far away but at the same time so close. I look at the training plan and think "I can totally do this" then I get out and can barely run 3 miles and I think totally different. I am following the marathon rookie plan and just finished week 3. On Monday I had 3 miles on my agenda so I headed to the gym to get it done. My legs were so tight that I didn't think there was anyway I was going to finish. Then I did a spin class which went well so it boosted my confidence a little. On Wednesday I went for a lunch time 4 miler with my friend Suzy and I was SO slow! I couldn't get going, I felt like I was going to have to stop the whole time. I just wanted to cry. I can't understand how I can run 5 miles at a 10min mile pace one day then barely break 11min on 4 miles a few days later. It was such a blow to my self esteem I wanted to just stop. Then the weather was pretty crap Thursday and Friday that I didn't get my run in, so I went Saturday with a friend and we went 3 miles. It was nice for me just to go and not think about anything and just run but the pace was still slower than I had hoped.

Sunday was a big deal for me. I went to Lawrence to meet a friend to do a 6miler. I was very worried about slowing Jaime down because I was not feeling very well but I still went out and did it. She kept telling me to not worry about it but it is still hard to know that someone is going at your pace when they can go faster. I know that it is important to get the miles in I just hate that I can't seem to keep the pace I have been at. Oh well I guess I am just being a baby. I should probably just be happy that I ran 6 miles and not worry that I did it in over and hour. UGH this is so frustrating sometimes.

Changing things up a bit...

After lots of thinking I have changed the name and focus of my blog. I will still write about things going on with Matt and I but my main focus now is going to my journey to a half marathon and then a full one as well. I don't want to forget (although I doubt I would even if I didn't blog about it) about the highs and the lows of training. I think it is important to experience it all and I want to look back on this blog when I finish that 26.2 miles and see how far I have come. So stay tuned and get ready because it will be a long and bumpy ride :)

Valentine's Day...blah

I am not a big fan of Valentine's day...never really have been. It's not like I have had a bad experience or that I am not loved it's just that I don 't like that people use this one day to show someone they love them. I understand not ALL people do this but most of the time it is the case. Men spend a lot of money on flowers, chocolates, gifts, a fancy dinner and more today just to say I love you. Why not use that money throughout the year??? I guess I just don't get it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy seeing all the love that is involved in today I just don't understand why people can't be this way all the time.

Matt and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day...lucky him :) Truly it has nothing to do with me not liking love or gifts it is that we celebrate our love through out the year. He is wonderful at sending me flowers "just because", taking me on a date, letting me know that he loves me and he doesn't need a special day for that. I am not knocking or trying to bring down anyone that LOVES Valentine's Day this is just how I feel.

Although with all that said, I still take today and look at my relationship with Matt and I am so thankful he is my husband. Today more than ever I need him, I love him, and treasure him. With the roller coaster of emotions I have been on lately, he has always been my firm ground. When I broke down in tears last night and couldn't tell him why, he just held me and told me he loved me, and he supported me NO MATTER WHAT! He didn't even know that is what I needed to hear at that moment but it was. When I back off and shut down my heart to everyone else in my life, he stills pushes against the wall to knock it down. When I tell him he deserves better, he looks me in the eyes and tells me I am the best thing on this earth and he could not imagine his life without me, and he means it. When I am bitchy (which has been often lately), he just listens and still tells me he loves me. And when I am hurting and can't smile he knows just what to say to make me laugh. When times get hard he will do something that reminds me of why I love him so much. So even though I am not a big fan of today, I will take the time to let Matt know that he is everything to me, he is my best friend, my firm ground when it seems like I am on a constant roller coaster, my voice when I can't speak and so much more. I love you more today than ever and I look forward to many more years with you...with or without celebrating Valentine's Day.

The beginning of a beautiful friendship...

with RUNNING! I know it sounds crazy but I have found something I love to do and it all started with this race. So I started the Couch to 5K (C25K) back in december not knowing if I could complete it, but with 1 week to spare on the training I did it! The program is a 9 week program and I did my 5K on week 8. It was awesome! I have not had a chance to upload pictures yet, but will do that soon. Below is my day...

Groundhog 5/10K Run-Kansas City.

The weekend started out great. My wonderful friend Suzy picked me up and we headed to Kansas City. We made a stop at the Nike and Adidas store at the Legends Mall and to the surprise of Matt I didn't buy anything :) We headed to Russ and Jamie's house to pick up our packets and a few hours later were still there! It was great to meet both of them and hear their amazing weight loss stories. I am so happy to have 2 more friends to share memories with. We went to Suzy's friends' house for dinner and sleep time. Suzy was very excited and I kinda felt bad because I typically keep everything inside so I might have not seemed as nervous or excited as I actually was. We went to sleep after figuring out what to wear (yes we contemplated for about an hour what we would wear to the race, haha) and then it was a restless night of sleep. I was more nervous than I thought and kept having crazy dreams about going the wrong way and all that fun stuff.

Well 6am rolled around and I was up and ready to head to the tunnels...yes tunnels. The whole race was underground! We headed back to Russ and Jamie's house for breakfast and more race talk and then headed to the race. The closer we got the more nervous I was.

Once we were there we ran into Scott another member of Thunder Road Racing, which you should check out the blog, it's awesome! So anyways, I was beginning to get nervous but as usually I didn't show it. I don't know why I keep my excitement and nervousness inside but I do. Suzy and I headed to the starting line and it hit me, the excitement, the nervousness and the fear. I was so afraid I was going to let Suzy down, and myself down. Well we lined up, sang the national anthem (which gave me major goosebumps) and then we were off!

I had a time goal of under 30:00min. Getting out of the start was a little tricky trying to find some room to run, but I finally found my open spot and got my pace going. Mile 1 right on track with a little time to spare. It is heating up down in the tunnels especially since I was used to running outside in below 30 degrees! So mile 2 I slowed down a bit to try and make sure I had the energy to kick it in mile 3...well that didn't happen. My pace was not too much off my time but I had a little snag...we got to the last turn down towards the home stretch and the volunteer said we had a mile left, so I checked my watch...dang it I wasn't going to make my time! I was so discouraged and I hit a brick wall. Next thing I see is a girl puking and that just made my stomach turn...another brick wall. So anyways, I start to kick it in thinking I still have some time and then I look around the corner and there it was....the finish line! The girl told us wrong and I was so mad. Had I know it was only a half mile and not a mile I would have started speeding up then instead of coasting through. Oh well, lesson learned.

Final cross the finish line at 30:24! Dang you 24 seconds! I will get you next time. I am super happy with my time though. I ran the whole thing, non-stop and there is NO WAY I would have been able to do that 8 weeks ago. I was 52/179 in my age group. I can't thank Suzy enough for the inspiration and the ability to meet some wonderful new friends. I can't wait for the next races and to be apart of such a wonderful group of people!

Next up...St. Patty's Day 10K, Lincoln, NE half marathon, and Chicago Full marathon! And some small races in between. I love this new friendship I have made!!!

I knew I couldn't...

Well I told everyone I would blog every day for 30 days and well I made it 3 days!
Yep totally suck at this blogging thing. I guess I could start back on the 30 for 30 blog thing or I can just start blogging about whats going on in our lives...oh the decisions. I guess stayed tuned for an update...